Monday, 11 February 2013

Eating Disorders Awareness Week 11th-17th Feb 2013

I love the fact this topic is in the public eye so much these days, for so many years it's been a taboo subject that people have been too afraid or too un educated to speak out about.

This week it's
Eating Disorders Awareness Week

I feel it appropriate to bring this to your attention due to the fact that like most girls I stress massively about my weight and also as a friend to girls who I know have gone through the traumatic times and stresses of living with an eating disorder, scarily some of those are no longer here to tell their own story.

I have always found my weight an issue, and it's really only in the last few years I have come to terms with who I am and to really love the skin I am in, embaracing it, not hating it, well not totally anyway.

I was always refered to as 'fat girl' when I was younger by a man who is no longer around, but for the purposes of this post I will refer to him as M. He obviosuly had no idea of the impact that his words had or would have on me, but as someone I looked up to growing up of course I took them on board and carried them forward for many years. I want to stress that I have not ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I have been diagnosed with body dismorphia, and teamed with a combination of depression and anxiety and 2 years worth of panic attacks that I have suffered with due to traumatic events growing up I found the easiest person to take it out on was myself, I would feel depressed and down and eat, then feel bad and it fuelled my depression, I know that now but my god it's a horrible very lonely place to be.

Without going into too much detail I have seen some horrific things in my life time, which I can hand on heart say do not affect me now, because I dont let them. And being able to move forward and put them all behind me definitely makes me the person I am today.

Having men put me down all my life, and I'm not just talking boyfriends but the man who called me 'fat girl' and a few others certinaly didnt do any good to my already very low confidence and self esteem. I have always felt like I am not good enough and that I dont deserve a look in on things in life because of my weight. That I shouldnt wear certain things and that I should somehow just hide away in the background of life, like a nobody.

But I am a somebody, no better than anyone else, and I deserve chances in life just as much as the next person.
Anyway here are some pictures of me over the past 4/5 years, not only has my body changed but due to being able to kiss goodbye to the anxiety and depression I used to harbour you can really see how my expressions and my smile is real, you could see before it was all false & I can honestly say I am happy now, truly happy.

It is no longer hard for me to share these pictures, and I hope they help inspire some of you.
Introducing the old & new (much happier) me...
What a difference 5 years makes! 2007 to 2012
2010 to 2012
2010 to 2012

The main point of this post is to try and get my message across... Don't be so hard on yourself, easier said than done I know but it's true, don't be your own worst enemy, you are beautiful & I have learnt that if you don't love yourself no one else will be able to love you either.
You'll never be truly happy if your hung up on your body image & letting it influence your confidence and self worth.
Just because your not a tiny size 6 or you don't confirm to what you deem to be a 'normal' size doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy, or to find someone who loves you, which they will & it'll be for just being you. The way you are.

I've been to weight watchers twice & it does work if your serious about loosing weight, I used to weigh 13 stone at my heaviest & I was kidding myself thinking I was smaller. Needless to say the shock of getting on the scales at a ww meeting and being told I weigh 13 stone was enough to give me the determination to loose the weight I wanted to.

I really feel learning to respect your body and understanding that going the right way about getting to your goals apys off massivley, because you feel happy & positive and that only shines through as you reach your targets.

2010, 2011 & 2012

This year I have taken a new approach, not so much about loosing weight but making a lifestyle change & getting fit. This is using the negative experiences I had last year (my throat surgery in feb2012, right through to my relationship breakdown in july) I am using all that negative energy to better myself and feel good about myself. To loose a few more pounds before July would be good, which I'm sure will happen as part of my new fitness regime. And along with my new found love of exercise comes huge motivation & support from my boyfriend, who gives me nothing but endless compliments on my figure & found me attractive just the way I was, yet he gives me the determination and drive to complete my runs or trips to the gym and beat my previous times & he's there to offer me words of encouragement when I'm just about ready to give up. It's also great to have someone to exercise with, so if you are looking to get fit and loose wreight the healthy way then having a buddy is a great help, your much less likely to fail, or do anything silly.

2013 will be the year I reach my birthday and be feeling healthy & fit, all down to eating healthy & exercising, and any weight loss on the way is a bonus.

Beauty doesn't have a weight limit & it truly does only matter how you feel in your own skin, but never take it too far & loose who you are because you might not be able to find yourself again.

Remember love the skin your in...

Embrace it, don't hate it!


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  1. Nice I also share with you something hope this helpful for you my friends The good news is that the eating disorder behaviors you’ve learned can be unlearned if you’re motivated to change and willing to ask for help. However, overcoming an eating disorder is about more than giving up unhealthy eating behaviors. It is also about rediscovering who you are beyond your eating habits, weight, and body image. Check it out thanks.
    bulimia nervosa